Friday, June 25, 2010

Conspiracy Theories!!

I'll admit it.  Part of the reason why I love the Middle East is the batshit crazy conspiracy theories people come up with here.  I'm sure it's the same in most of the rest of the world (I mean, that's why Snopes exists, right?), but there's such a potent mix of politics and drama here that it's hard to beat the awesomeness of the rumor mill.  Today at work, one of our local hires was translating an op-ed in a prominent national paper for us.  Let me see if I can get this straight.

The PKK has teamed up with the two leading opposition parties to release a sex tape of one party's leader shacking up with an MP from his party, precipitating the resignation of both officials.  The PKK did this so that the ruling party will call early elections and as a result the two opposition parties can form a coalition government.  And that's why the PKK has ramped up its campaign of violence across Turkey in the last month.

After the summary concluded, there was a long moment of silence, and then one of my coworkers asked, "Was there not enough room in the column to include Mossad?"

It's not just here, of course.  When I was in Riyadh, decades-old Singer sewing machines were selling for about $3000, because the red mercury that was inside the stitching needles gave people the ability to summon the djinn.  I am now on the hunt for the Grand Unified Conspiracy Theory (GUCT), which will enable me to tie together the Kennedy assassination, the Lindbergh Baby, Opus Dei, Haile Selassie, and Pope Joan to explain why the world is actually getting cooler.

6 comments:

  1. Nota bene: everything in this post is open-source, publicly available, and absolutely my own opinion and nothing more!

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  2. I think I've heard of the GUCT. Doesn't it center around Alf? ;)

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  3. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPMS6tGOACo

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  4. The greatest part about Turkey's conspiracy theories is that sometimes they are valid. They have a coup every 20 years or so, and sometimes they find stock piles of weapons the generals have been hording in the forest with the help of the mob!

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  5. It's a good dei when one mentions Opus Dei. Though, the Illuminati are far more fascinating! PS, I expect a FULL post of the 100-push-up Workout, as I'm quite curious. ;)

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  6. Grabbing my cell phone to go check if my Singer has red mercury (wiki says that's how you check)... ;D gonna put my kids through college the easy way! ;D

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